“I’ve crossed the #universe to find you! Your destiny awaits, Lucy Black!” I wipe my greasy hands on my apron. “Did you say Black?” “Yes! My spaceship is just outside—“ “This happens all the time. I’m Lucy Block. You want the next galaxy over. Coffee before you go?”

I slammed down my hand and a piercing sound rent the air. “Don’t let your anger #consume you,” my guide murmured. “Put away that finger. Breathe in.” “You know what?” I snapped, swerving back into my lane. “The Zen Driving School is not working for me.” #vss365

“It’s like mixing #fire and water. We cancel each other out. Unless you’re a grease fire, and then I guess I make you explode. Why do I think you’re fire and I’m water? I’ll bring that up in therapy.” “You’re thinking of oil and water.” “Shit. Breaking up is hard.” #vss365

“Hello? National Weather Service? I have a complaint. It’s the autumn equinox today and the high is 92. Not very autumnal. Could you lower it thirty or so degrees?” “Let me look at your zip code. Ah, I see. Your area opted out of winter, which is bundled with autumn.”

#vss365